It’s Friday today and my plan was to create a list of pediatricians that I can do research on. Honestly, I miss the days where Friday meant catching up with my friends over a glass or two of wine. I phoned Ryan today to ask what he thinks, but he was busy, as usual. It is a harsh realization to get to when you know neither you nor your son will be Ryan’s first priority. Sure he has important work to do – he works as a financial advisor for an international, well-established company. But surely, this is an important topic and should be discussed amongst both parents?

I turned to my Mom for some advice, but she wanted to share what was going on in her life and how my dad is annoying her with not wanting to start yoga with her.

Then I phoned my younger sister – we have always had a close relationship, but ever since she got married and had the “perfect” little house, with the involved husband, the twins and her labrador, it seems our connection has faded. I totally understand that she has her own life now and that it must be tiring with two years old twins, but I just wanted someone to share their ideas with me. Or at least confirm my worries and fears. Perhaps someone that is going through these feelings and thoughts themselves would be the best, but where do these parents hide? Why are there no support groups for parents who believe their child might be struggling to cope and potentially has a disorder of some sorts? When (and if) I receive a diagnosis, I want to go through this journey, learn along the way and then try and help other parents through this.

I think I will tackle the online search tomorrow and try and find someone that will firstly be able to help me understand why Joe is going through these difficulties and then secondly help him to cope better through different stages of his life.

Goodnight. I’m off to a long bath and some music.